National Holiday Bill

This is a bill I'm thinking about seeing if Sen. Harry Reid will sponsor.

The Dublin Holiday Bill

Hear ye, hear ye, let it be known that from (insert date) in the year of our Lord 2009 forward, all people living within the borders of the United States of America will take off on all National Holidays. Previously we have reserved a majority of these holidays for banking institutions, postal workers, educators, and government employees. Hence, we want all mankind to participate in these holidays. Furthermore, we need the American people to make concessions on these days.

Arsonists: Please refrain form setting fires these days as the firemen will be off leaving no one to put the fire out. Please take this day off.

Burglars: Please refrain from stealing on these days as the policeman will be off leaving no one to chase you. This section also applies to anyone committing crimes: murderers, assaulters, speeders, jay walkers, etc.

Terrorists: Please refrain from performing any acts of terrorism on National Holidays as our military will be taking off. Let it be known, if you do not refrain there will be a butt kicking the first business day after a national holiday.

Preachers: Beings that most National Holidays do not occur on Sundays, you are probably already off so this wouldn't pertain to you. :)

Everyone else, please refrain from getting sick. Plan ahead and stock up on your prescriptions the day before. Please do not die on this day (especially if it's a holiday in the summer months). Please fill your car up with gas and buy your groceries the day before. We encourage you to stay home and play games with your family. TV people will be taking off so the TV's will not work. Movie theatres will be closed.